Allowing Yourself to Be: Stepping Out of Doing Mode
When was the last time that you allowed yourself to simply be?
Often, our lives are so busy with doing that it’s easy for the present to pass us by and, before we know it, we’re already on to the next thing: striving, achieving, and stuck in the constant cycle of chasing our to-do list.
I know that the Christmas period, in particular, can be so full of doing. Far from the expectations of ‘Christmas magic’ - quiet cosy firesides and wholesome relaxed family time - the reality can include a huge (often invisible) load. As mothers, we frequently shoulder the burden of that load, juggling it all to create a joyful, seamless experience for our loved ones … buying and wrapping gifts, sending cards, co-ordinating school events, organising travel and accommodation, food shopping - the list goes on!
This year I made a conscious effort to focus more on being and less on doing over the Christmas holidays - and I felt so amazing for it. Of course, there were still some things to plan and to do, but I really made sure that my emphasis was on being present and enjoying the holidays as much as I possibly could. This really shifted my whole perspective on what was important to me around the holiday season, and left me feeling much more refreshed, contented, closer to my loved ones and my values.
Would you benefit from shifting your focus from doing to being a little more? Keep reading to learn more about how you can step out of doing mode, and into simply being.
Doing Mode
When we’re in ‘doing mode’ we are goal-focused, future-focused, and often reactive to what’s happening around us. Doing is all about action and accomplishment, and with that there are benefits:
⋒ Problem-solving
If you need to solve a problem - be that big picture thinking, forward planning, or in the moment reactivity - doing mode can help you to get there. The energy of doing, combined with its focus on specific outcomes, can generate positive solutions to our problems.
⋒ Achieving goals
Doing mode allows us to tick off day-to-day tasks and accomplish big goals, contributing to feelings of success and achievement.
⋒ Making progress
Not every step forward is necessarily a result achieved, but doing mode may also be spent on the journey, making progress or ‘getting things done’ that need doing in our everyday lives.
Being Mode
When we are in ‘being mode’, we are rooted in the present moment. We accept things as they are, and approach life without judgement - this is who we are, and how things are, right now. I’ve observed myself how focusing on being can bring with it a wonderful feeling, and a number of different benefits:
⋒ Slowing Down
Whilst doing is often associated with rushing, being allows us to slow down. When we are in ‘being mode’ we accept that there is nothing that must be done at that specific moment in time.
⋒ Calming the Nervous System
Simply being has been shown to enhance well-being, calm our nervous system, and has been linked to reduced stress and anxiety overall.
⋒ A Sense of Composure and Calm
Focusing on being allows us to regain a sense of composure and peace, as we step back from the demands of daily life and feel more grounded in where we are and what’s important to us.
⋒ Greater Self-Awareness
‘Being mode’ can often promote an enhanced sense of self-awareness as the quiet presence affords more opportunities to check-in with how we are feeling and how we relate to the outside world.
⋒ Connection
Working on being over doing, fosters a greater connection with the world around us, and with our loved ones as we enjoy the richness of the present moment (rather than moving on to the next thing!)
‘The Doing Trap’
Doing and being: both with their own benefits, and yet we often find ourselves falling into ‘the doing trap’ of endlessly striving and ultimately burning out.
Getting trapped in a constant cycle of doing is so easy in today’s modern world, and may also have been encouraged through our childhood experiences. We’re faced with huge societal pressure to do, often tying our own value to productivity and action. In the online space, being busy is often associated with being productive and successful, alongside goals like constant contact, instant gratification, super efficiency, perfectionism, and ‘hustle culture’.
Hand-in-hand with doing often comes rushing and, along with that, feelings of stress and anxiety. It can cause us to put a lot of pressure on ourselves (to ‘live up to’ what we see others doing online - even if this is a skewed version of the reality) and to never feel truly satisfied, as we overlook the importance of simply being in the present moment … or imagine that we just don’t have time for it.
Doing has no fixed end point. There’s always more that we could be doing, and that leaves little room for us to be.
Finding More Space to Be
If you’re keen to find more time and space in your life to be, without constantly living on the go in ‘doing mode’, here are a few ways that you might be able to encourage it:
⋒ Take mindful breaks in amongst periods of doing. This could be just taking a moment to sit quietly and breathe after a meeting, or setting time aside to complete a specific structured mindfulness practice.
⋒ Engage in mindful activities, such as going for a walk outside or pursuing a creative hobby. Choose the activities that most appeal to you as these will be easier to build into your daily life.
⋒ Allow time for self-reflection, aiming for increased awareness. Reflect on periods of time where you were in ‘doing mode’, how much time you spend in ‘being mode’. Notice how each mode feels, and how these different states impact your well-being. You could do this through journaling at the end of the day (also taking time to set your energy intentions for the next day), talking to a close friend, or letting your thoughts roam on a walk.
⋒ Plan for screen-free time and take a break from following the news. This is especially important during times that you want to make being your main focus (for example, when winding down before bed, or during special family occasions).
⋒ Cultivate positive relationships and connections. Boosting our periods of simply being whilst alone can be grounding and relaxing, and when with our loved ones it can also help to boost our feelings of closeness and nurture those relationships. Focusing on being, rather than doing, whilst with others promotes greater listening and presence.
⋒ Remind yourself that you are enough. The results of your doing is not your being; you hold so much value outside of all those tasks you’ve ticked off.
⋒ Set specific times. Spending more time in ‘being mode’ takes practice so, at least at the start, it can be helpful to plan for specific times in which you will stop doing, and focus on being through some of the activities above.
⋒ Avoid striving too hard. Working to stay in a state of being can become a form of doing in itself! Rather than getting caught up in perfection, embrace small steps and a move towards balance.
⋒ Say yes to less. Often we find ourselves in a perpetual state of doing because we’ve said yes to far too much. Cut back on any responsibilities you can, lower your expectations, and start saying no to a few more things.
Doing AND Being
Doing is great for specific circumstances, such as working towards a set goal or solving a problem. But doing too much continuously can lead to burnout and feelings of emptiness, as the sense of pride and achievement fades when you start chasing the next ‘win’ (without taking the time out to appreciate and sit with what you’ve already accomplished). Whilst we need both doing and being in order to feel fulfilled, we are often naturally much better at the doing (and the modern world pushes us this way too!)
As you move through life, allow for quiet moments of being in amongst the doing. Go easy on yourself as this won’t necessarily be easy at first, but with time and practice it is possible to find more time and space to simply be.
Want to read more about self-care?
If you found this useful, you may also like to read these journal articles:
Further Support
If you’d like support escaping ‘the doing trap’, or managing burnout and stress, get in touch to discuss how we could work together.
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