The Busy Mum's Guide to Self-Care: How to Create Time for It When You Have None
As a clinical psychologist specialising in supporting working mothers, a common phrase I hear is “I know self-care is important, but I just don’t have time.” If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Between work, parenting, household responsibilities, and the never-ending mental load, self-care can feel like a luxury rather than a necessity.
But here’s the truth: you don’t need more hours in the day - what you need is a different approach. Let’s look at evidence-based ways to weave self-care into your life, even when you feel like you have no time.
1 | Rethink What Self-Care Means
Many women I work with think of self-care as long, uninterrupted activities like spa days or weekend retreats. While those are wonderful, they’re not the only (or most realistic) ways to care for yourself. Self-care is anything that supports your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. It can be a deep breath between meetings, listening to music that lifts your mood, or setting a firm boundary around your time. For example:
Instead of waiting for a rare free afternoon to read a book, try reading just one page before bed.
Instead of feeling like exercise means a full hour in the gym, try stretching for five minutes while watching TV or doing a quick dance session with your kids.
When you broaden your definition of self-care, it becomes easier to fit into your day.
2 | Stack Self-Care onto Existing Routines
One of the most effective strategies in behavioural psychology is habit stacking - linking a new habit to an existing one. Since finding extra time is difficult, let’s work with the routines you already have. For example:
While making your morning coffee, take 30 seconds for deep breathing, gratitude reflection, or setting an intention for the day.
When brushing your teeth, repeat a calming mantra like “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”
If you drive to work or school drop-offs, use that time to listen to an uplifting podcast, an audiobook, or simply enjoy a few minutes of silence before the day gets busy.
While waiting for dinner to cook, do some gentle stretching or a few yoga poses.
By pairing self-care with what you’re already doing, it becomes a seamless part of your day.
3 | Use Micro-Moments
Science tells us that even small moments of self-care can have a big impact on reducing stress and improving well-being. Instead of waiting for a large block of free time (which may never come), make the most of micro-moments:
A two-minute stretch while waiting for the kettle to boil.
Closing your eyes and focusing on your breath for five deep inhales and exhales before answering emails or starting a task.
Sipping a cup of tea mindfully, focusing on the warmth and taste, without scrolling on your phone.
While waiting to collect your kids, sending a quick text to a friend who makes you smile instead of mindlessly scrolling social media.
Stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air and sunshine between tasks.
Even brief resets like these activate your body’s relaxation response, helping to counteract stress and boost your resilience.
4 | Protect Your Non-negotiableS
There are certain things you need to function well - whether that’s sleep, movement, time alone, or connecting with loved ones. The key is to identify your non-negotiables and treat them as priorities rather than afterthoughts.
Practical Steps to Make Them Non-Negotiable:
⋒ Schedule it in: Treat self-care as an appointment in your calendar. Block out time for movement, rest, or any activity that helps you recharge. If it's scheduled, you're more likely to honour it.
⋒ Set reminders: Use alarms or notifications to remind you to step away, stretch, or wind down for sleep.
⋒ Communicate your needs: Let your family know that certain activities - like 10 minutes of alone time or an early bedtime - are essential for your well-being. Explain that these routines help you be your best self for them too.
⋒ Create a ritual around it: For example, a nightly wind-down routine before bed or a non-negotiable walk after lunch makes the habit automatic.
⋒ Use visual cues: Leave a book by your bedside to remind you to read, keep a water bottle within reach to stay hydrated, or put your yoga mat out where you'll see it.
⋒ Make it easier: If sleep is a priority, set a bedtime alarm and dim the lights early. If movement matters, keep your workout clothes within easy reach. Remove obstacles that make it harder to follow through.
⋒ Ask for help: If you need support to protect your time, involve your partner, kids, or even a friend to hold you accountable.
When you view these needs as essential rather than optional, you’re more likely to honour them.
5 | Outsource and Delegate
Many mums I work with feel they have to do everything, but delegation is not a failure - it’s an essential strategy for sustainability. Consider:
Can your partner or children take on more household tasks? Even young children can help with simple chores like setting the table or tidying up their toys, and these are great tasks for their self-development and confidence.
Can you use grocery delivery or meal services to ease the load? I find pre-prepared meals or slow cooker recipes can be a lifesaver!
Can you swap childcare with another mum so you both get breaks? Even an hour of alone time can be restorative.
Can you let go of non-essential tasks? Maybe the laundry doesn’t need folding perfectly, the bedding doesn't need ironing or the family photos from last summer don't need printing just now?
If you struggle with delegating, remind yourself: every task you take off your plate frees up time and mental energy for what truly matters - often time with your loved ones or time to focus on you.
6 | Give Yourself Grace
Perfectionism and guilt are two of the biggest barriers to self-care. Many mums I work with feel they should be able to do it all, and if they take a break, they’re being selfish. But burnout doesn’t serve anyone. When you prioritise your well-being, you show up as a more present, patient, and energised version of yourself - for your children, your work, and most importantly, for you.
Psychological Strategies to Support This:
⋒ Self-Compassion Practices: Instead of criticising yourself for what you didn’t do, acknowledge what you did accomplish. Try telling yourself, “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”
⋒ Cognitive Reframing: Challenge thoughts like “I should be able to do it all” and replace them with more realistic, balanced perspectives, such as “No one can do everything, and that’s okay.”
⋒ Mindfulness Practices: If guilt arises, notice it without judgment, then redirect your attention onto something in the present. For example, your breath or your surroundings.
⋒ Set Realistic Expectations: Lowering the bar doesn’t mean failing - it means being human. Define what good enough looks like for you and aim for that, not perfection.
⋒ Boundaries with Yourself: If you tend to overextend, practice saying no or setting limits to protect your time and energy.
You won’t always get it right, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection - it’s sustainability.
Final Thoughts
Self-care isn’t about finding more time - it’s about using the time you do have differently. By shifting your mindset and implementing small, practical changes, you can start to integrate self-care into your daily life without feeling like it’s another thing on your to-do list.
Want to read more about self-care?
If you found this useful, you may also like to read these journal articles:
Further Support
If you feel like perfectionism or guilt are getting in the way of you caring for yourself, please get in touch to find out how I could support you with this.
Or download my free Mum Guilt Manual - a 12 page workbook to help you understand and overcome feelings of guilt, whilst simultaneously strengthening your capacity for self-care and self-compassion.
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