What is Birth Disappointment?
Birth disappointment is a very real and painful experience which can rob you of the joy of early motherhood. It is a form of sadness. A sense of loss. A distressing space between your expectations and the reality of your birth.
POTENTIAL TRIGGERS FOR BIRTH DISAPPOINTMENT
Disappointment can arise regarding:
the onset of labour (when & how it commenced)
the process or duration of labour
the mode of delivery
use or lack of use of pain relief or medical intervention
lack or style of medical staff communication
the gender of your baby
the health of your baby
your own health
your thoughts, feelings or behaviour during labour, birth or immediately after birth
support you did or did not receive
feeding your baby
and many other reasons!
THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF BIRTH DISAPPOINTMENT
Birth disappointment can trigger and compound other painful emotions, as shown in the diagram below:
BIRTH DISAPPOINTMENT, GUILT & SHAME
Most of the postpartum women I’ve worked with, have reported some degree of disappointment related to their birth experience. It is a normal, albeit uncomfortable, part of the postpartum journey. It does not make you a bad mother or a bad person.
Feelings of guilt and shame often follow disappointment. Guilt is often associated with self-blaming thoughts, such as, “I shouldn’t think/feel/act this way”, whereas shame is typically associated with self-loathing beliefs, such as “I’m a terrible person for thinking/feeling/acting this way”. One of the most toxic aspects of guilt and shame is the secrecy which frequently accompanies them. Guilt, and especially shame, often prevent women from sharing their birth experience, and what it meant to them. This, in turn, prevents distressing feelings or thoughts from changing, and can leave you feeling stuck and hopeless. But talking about and understanding your birth experience will initiate the healing process; it is the antidote to painful feelings of disappointment, guilt and shame.
'If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.'
- Brené Brown
HEALING FROM BIRTH DISAPPOINTMENT
If you have experienced any form of disappointment following childbirth, and you can’t seem to shake the negative feelings you are left with, there are some things you could try to reduce your distress. Read about my top ten strategies for healing from birth disappointment here.
If you think you might benefit from talking to a professional therapist regarding your birth experience and any negative feelings it has left you with, get in touch to book a free discovery call ⋒